While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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