to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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