Don't you send me to vm
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
