Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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