All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
