Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ugly people sure do ruin things
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
