You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
