I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
