What a fucking waste of an outfit
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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