In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
