guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
