yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
