alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
