I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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