Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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