no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
