Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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