Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
