I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
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It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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