Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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