guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
