Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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