Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
