; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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