i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
