she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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