So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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