There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
