Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
