Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
