I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
