I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
