Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
did i walk over a car last night?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
