Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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