I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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