I think i peed on brittanys purse
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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