Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
