Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
