he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
