did you get engaged???
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
