Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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