Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Drunk is not a location!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
