it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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