I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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