Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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