Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
