Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
