She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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