I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
