I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
