i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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