Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Panties = found
Randomize