I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
