My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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