Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
