When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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