I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
