Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
