Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
