They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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