Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize