I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
