Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
