I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
