If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
