So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
