What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
